we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
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We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
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Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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