Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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