I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
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I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
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It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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