He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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