i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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