why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
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I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
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I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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