Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
i now understand why vodka
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
