felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
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I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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