Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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