It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
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