I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
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apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
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Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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