So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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