Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
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I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
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When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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