I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
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I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
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We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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