I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
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No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
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So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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