my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
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Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
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We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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