You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
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And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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