you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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