No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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