He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize