so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
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The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
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I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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