theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize