You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
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This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
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My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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