Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
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Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
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Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I need a beard to bite.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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