i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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