He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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