rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
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She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
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I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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