i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
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I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
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I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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