It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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