Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Randomize