drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
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Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
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He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
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