P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
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I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
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Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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