My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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