I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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