Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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