They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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