I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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