you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize