Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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