so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Four minutes until I can fart!
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
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Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
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It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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