yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
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