Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
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i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
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you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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