Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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