I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
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He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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