I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Farmville is her only friend.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
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