Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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