Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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