I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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