One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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