don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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